International Day of the Boy Child 2025

 

Building Self-esteem in Boys: Stand Up, Be Heard, Be Seen

If boys had a penny for every time they were told to “man up,” they would be richer than Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk. From a young age, they’re taught to be tough, stay quiet, and never cry.

In places like Nigeria, many boys still lack safe spaces to open up. Silence may look like strength, but often it’s just pain with nowhere to go.

The “strong, silent” boy we often admire is just a child who was never really seen or heard.

I was reminded of this while watching The Fabelmans. There’s a scene where young Sammy starts making films in his garage, not for fame, but simply to feel and speak. When people don’t have the words, they find other ways. Some create. Some lash out. Some disappear. At the center of it all is one question: Do you see me?

Maybe the bravest thing we can do for our boys isn’t to teach them to toughen up, but to show them they’re already enough.

In Nigeria, we often place big expectations on our boys. We want them to become engineers, doctors, lawyers and CEOs. But what about just letting them be human?

What about the boy who wants to paint? Or write poetry? Or talk about how anxious he feels walking into school?

Every boy has the right to express himself. Yet we often reward boys for how well they suppress emotion. We tell a nine-year-old who’s just lost his father, “You’re the man of the house now.” But what he needs is space to grieve, not pressure to be strong.

We tell them not to be soft, forgetting that life is all about balance.

I believe some of the great men we admire today, the athletes, artists, and innovators, didn’t become exceptional by hiding their feelings. They succeeded because someone, somewhere, permitted them to be honest, curious, passionate and themselves.

Still, the numbers show we’ve got work to do. UNICEF reports that boys are three times more likely than girls to die from violence, and the WHO (World Health Organization says half of all mental health conditions begin by age 14, most going undetected and untreated. Boys aren’t hurting less. They’re just hiding it more, often because they’ve been taught that showing emotion is a weakness.

The good thing is that support helps. WHO highlights that emotionally supportive environments, especially at home and in school, reduce the risk of violence and mental health challenges in adolescence. Every small act of support adds up.

So how do we help boys stand up, be heard, be seen?

Let us start by:

• Allowing them to speak, even when they stumble.

• Letting them cry, without rushing to stop them.

• Praising who they are, not just what they do.

• Showing up not just when they misbehave, but when they quietly need support.

And we must lead by example. Fathers, uncles, older brothers, you’re not just role models when you provide. You’re role models when you say sorry, when you show your emotions, when you hug your sons without awkwardness. We don’t need perfect men; we need present ones.

Mothers, aunts, you’re often the first people to mould how a boy sees himself. Speak life into him.

Teachers, coaches and religious leaders, you spend so much time with boys during their most important years. Let them know their voices are valued, not just their obedience.

This International Day of the Boy Child, let’s raise boys who don’t feel the need to hide who they are. Being seen is where real strength begins.